I'll follow you everywhere
by xredSunburstx
Summary: Sequel to I will follow you into the dark“. Callie and Arizona are looking into their future, together, but the past is not forgotten… It’s a never leaving shadow on the wall. But Callie would follow Arizona everywhere...
1. Chapter 1

**I'll follow you everywhere**

**Author: **xredSunburstx

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona of course!!!

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **Drama/ Comfort/ Thriller/ Romance

**Summary: **Sequel to „I will follow you into the dark". Callie and Arizona are looking into their future, together, but the past is not forgotten… It's a never leaving shadow on the wall.

**Authors Note:**

Hey my lovely buddies! I'm back and it feels ab-solut-ely amazing! I thought about a sequel long before I was finished with "I will follow you into the dark", but I wasn't sure of doing it… Of course I'll not leave my general genre/stile and there are a few things in my life I need to sort out, I have to get through what means I won't be able to update as soon as I did before, even I'd love to, you know… But well, nothing could stop me really from writing this and I hope you'll enjoy it like my first fic around here. I'm so glad to be back again with this!

And never forget: Your comments are my muse!

The Current song is _Bon Iver – Re: Stacks_… I didn't use it for a song – Chapter, because I thought it wasn't matching the scenes perfectly, but it's still an amazing song and I hear it whenever I'm taking the special journey. So feel free to listen to this song while reading. I did it while I was writing it.

All my best "I'm looking forward to take this journey with you" wishes

-Sun

**Chapter 1**

Sometimes there is a time in life you take a seat with a cup of tea in your hands and you are listening to soft music pouring out of your boxes, taking you on a long journey.

So you sit there for hours on this uncomfortable wooden chair, seeing your life walking by through the eyes of a stranger.

You start to cry and laugh and smile when the memories are over taking your body. Your eyes get heavy and your heart is fluttering in a strange way. You start to think about what life brought you, what you have done and how your life has been until the moment you start to make the same journey again.

Some day I decided to do the same. I sat down on a small wooden char in my bedroom while soft shafts of sunlight were gracing the floor at the beginning of a new day.

I sat there, sipping my hot cup of tea, listening to nothing else but her breathe while glimmering shafts of sunlight were gracing her beautiful and peaceful looking face. And I cry and smile at the same time.

When I'm looking back, thinking about what life brought me I don't start in my childhood or at high school when I got my first kiss. I don't start in Miami or Seattle or my first vacation with my friends in Rome. I don't think about starting as an attending at Seattle Grace or marrying a guy I thought who would give me the things I wanted and needed. I don't start with George nor Erica or Mark.

I start this journey in a dirty bathroom in the middle of Seattle on a day the rain was pouring and the sky looked as pissed and sad as I felt. I start with my journey, the moment I first heard her voice and saw her face. I don't waste my time with the things that has been before, the things that destroyed me. Instead I start where my life really started, in her eyes, in her arms, in her kiss.

My life first became life when she entered it without a warning.

I remember all the nights we spent together in this bed with her laying in my arms. I remember the times we touched each other, we made passionate love. I remember each word she said and each tear she cried, because I was the one who whipped them away. And I would do that forever.

Suddenly I see her shifting in her sleep and with a worried expression on my face I place the mug on a simple wooden shelve before I crawl under the blankets and take her into my arms. Immediately she starts to relax again as I'm stroking her blond curls soothingly.

But she is still captured in a land I'd love to take her away from. She is still a part of her dreams, of her nightmares. That's what I realize when she's frowning and her soft hands are searching something to cling onto. This almost happens each morning, each night for 3 weeks now and I don't know what to do… I don't know how I should take away the pain from her fragile body. Whatever is happening she shows me her giant smile, but I still know that she's not doing okay.

Weeks have passed so quickly. Weeks in which we shared the decision we made with everyone. Weeks, in which we bought a ring, in which we planned and laughed. Weeks, in which we were happy.

Weeks in which she started to remember completely what happened to her in these hours in which she was trapped…

As soon as she was herself again she decided to search for Bonnie and even I was concerned, even I know that Bonnie was the only real connection, except of her wounds, to what happened to her and even I knew what this was doing to her I let her go. I didn't keep her behind closed doors, letting her know that I couldn't let her destroy herself.

But I let her go. I let her go each week, even I wanted to keep her with me the whole day.

Today was the day, Wednesday, I'd let her go again.

She would lie in bed with me like now, waking up, looking me into the eyes, telling me she would first be back in the middle of the night and I shouldn't wait for her. But I still did… each passing week.

She talked to the chief to give her each Wednesday free and her free mornings she spent in another hospital of Seattle where Bonnie was prepared for her soon coming death. Arizona spent their hours, talking to her, claiming into her bed to weep her to sleep like she told me once. Arizona is the only one Bonnie has left. Her mother is dead and her father is in prison for the things he has done to Ari and each Wednesday I'm worried and concerned while she is staying there.

And afterwards she's working instead of going home after hours being emotional burdened. She's working until 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning and then she's first coming back, sneaking under the warm blankets where I wait for her.

I told her once that I was worried, because the time she started to see her, the nightmares started, the cries and shouting in the middle of the night when she was fighting against someone who captured and hurt her in her dreams.

I told her that I was concerned, because of the fact that I love her. But she just kissed me, smiling one of the saddest smiles I've ever seen.

"You know… I don't want to hurt you… but I… I have to do this… I just have to… I am the only one she has left, Callie…" She doesn't use the shorten phrase of my name usually, but when she does it's full of honest and it always has a special and deeper meaning. When she said it back then, when I told her my fears, it meant that it was a decision she made. Something she wouldn't take back, even she loves me and I understand.

I knew that it was just like the way she was, the way I love her and if she wasn't going, she would hate herself for that her whole life… Bonnie was someone she loved to be with when she was just a patient like any other. Sometimes she told me a little girl who dreamed about living in California with her Dad someday… and she also told me that Bonnie was reminding her of her brother…

And now Bonnie was a girl who kept on fighting with Arizona at her side… And so I let her go each week, even I know what it means…

Suddenly I feel her shifting again, but this time it's because she's finally waking up, her sleepy sky blue eyes looking like to crystals while she's looking at me, whispering a sweet "Good Morning…" right before she's using her hands to pull me down for a brief but tender kiss.

"Morning…" I'm answering with a smile, even I know it won't be good, but whenever I'm looking into her eyes I know that everything is going to be okay somehow. As long as she's coming back from there, not losing herself there completely. As long as I'm going to able to make her smile, hold her through the night. As long as I'm able to help her sleeping without nightmares I don't give up and I try to let her go.

"When are you…?" I don't need to say something else. She knows what I mean; but as soon as these words were spoken her eyes get heavy again. I wish I wouldn't be the reason her heart was feeling heavy as her eyes.

"Later… I just want to stay another hour in your arms…" She whispers right before she's crawling back into my arms, placing her head on my chest so my nose is hovering over her coconut and honey smelling hair I love so much.

And then she mumbles something like: "It's the only place where I feel safe…" and all I do is kissing her golden hair, holding her in my arms, while I take another step of the journey… And I take her with me…

* * *

I haven't really slept when I hear a sudden sound of the door opening and as I look at the clock it's already 4 o'clock in the morning when she's finally coming into my apartment. I already waited for her passionately and I thought about rushing to the hospital to be there if she got some free time, but I didn't want to pressure her in talking with me about how it was and how she's feeling.

Instead I stayed here, hoping she would be back soon, and as she opens the door, standing there with her dark blue scrub trousers all I can do is smiling, like she does the first time she sees me… awake.

"You didn't wait for me, did you?" She's smiling the way she did when she first told me that she loves me, and all I reply is:" No… I was just waking up …", because I know how much she doesn't like it when I stay awake because of her. She always tells me sleep is important , cause working at the hospital is more than exhausting… It's breathe- and sleep – taking in a really bad way…

But I can't stop myself from doing is. Maybe that's another thing that changes and happens when you are in love?

"You're a bad liar…" She replies as she's slipping out of her clothes, only wearing underwear when she's slipping under the bed sheets and I touch her immediately, pulling her closer, so we lie in front of each other, our hands interlinked like our legs. Every time I see her, I need to touch her and I need to be close to her.

"How was your day..?" I ask, our glances never breaking apart. I could look her into the eyes forever…

"Well… it wasn't a lot going on today so Bailey said I should leave and get home… but I'm still on on-call…" She replies, hiding her face in the leaf of my neck, breathing my scent in.

I know she's hiding, because I didn't just mean work… I mean how it was to see Bonnie again. I want to know everything. I also want to know how it feels to be reminded. And even it's painful to hear her hurt I know I can take it…

After a few minutes in silence she's talking again, finally answering to my questions.

"We spent the whole morning playing her favourite game and talking… And we talked about the school she wants to attend when she's out there… Callie… it hurts too much to look into her blank eyes, knowing that she already knows that there won't be a school she is going to attend and there won't be a house in California… I want to help her so much… but all I can do is lying to her about her future… I hate myself for doing this and I'm so mad at myself for not being able to help her… For what am I a doctor? For what did I survive?"

Her trembling voice is like hundred knifes in my heart and all I can do is weeping her forth and back to sooth her like a little child.

"You know you did everything, Ari…" I say, kissing the golden sea.

"I know… talking about medicine I did everything… but she… she needs her father… She's alone and she is scared… She hates her father for doing those things but… she also needs him… Callie… and I'm the reason he can't be there to sooth her when she's crying… It's my fa…." She already cries and I stop her, before she's able to speak out those completely wrong words. How could she ever think about being the one who is responsible?

"Shhh… Don't you ever dare to say that or believe in that, Ari… It's not your fault… He is responsible for everything that happened not you… what you did was brave… don't you ever think about that again… It was his fault and only his…!" I say convincing while I pull her closer, soothing her while she is crying silent tears.

"I… I know… but… sometimes I can't forget his face…"

She whispers as she's closing her eyes to find a way into a painful slumber and I start to cry too. Tears she never sees, because I cry in secret…

I wish I could take away the pain…

I wish that it never happened as I'm closing my eyes, too, completely in knowledge that her dreams will be filled with his face and not with mine…


	2. Oh bring back my Bonnie to me

**Authors Note: **Hey, cool who's there! I'm glad to see you again around here, reading this, taking this journey with me again! But I'm ashamed of myself, because I took so long for the second Chapter… but with school and 3 jobs I ain't got so much time left. And I am so sorry. But thank you for waiting… I know it's going to be very sad… but I don't think both of them could go on without being affected.

I still hope you like it and remember – your reviews are my muse! Thank you so much!

The song is a well known song "My Bonnie lies over the ocean"… I thought it just fits this chapter perfectly.

Big greetings from someone who really missed you

-Sun

**Chapter 2**

**My Bonnie lies over the ocean,  
my Bonnie lies over the sea,**

I cough and my breathe hitches. But I can't open my eyes.

And it is dark, too dark and it is silent, too silent.

Her breathe is missing and her whisper during sleep.

I try to spin around, but I also can't move and I don't know where I am and where she is.

I try to scream, but no word is leaving my mouth. Instead the words are like thorns in my throat. All I think about is her face, because I can't feel anything as my hands are searching for her body beside me, but there isn't anything. Just cold and dark emptiness.

And suddenly as I'm able to open my eyes I see where I am because of the streetlights gracing the floor and the opposite wall with a soft, but also a slight dark light, filling my heart and as I spin around I see what I never wanted to see, but what I still knew… my foreshadowing's became the truth and now I screamed out all the pain from the top of my lungs, because she was gone, replaced by still fresh and wine red blood.

I screamed for help, for god to make this undone, for her to come back to me, for him to die right there where he is, leaving us alone. I screamed and cried and moved, struggled with insanity, hate and immeasurable pain – until my whole body hurted, until my heart ached and I felt like I already died inside.

And – ah – oh so suddenly I am back there where I was months ago, but I'm alone, the already dried blood on my hands in this usual white and sterile room. Now it's filled with this colour that stands now for our dying love, for her dying body. The smell of decomposed and death is intermingling with her usual fruity smell and I ran to the glass door which is keeping me in this room. I throw my hands against it right before I use my whole, trembling, body to open it. But nothing is happening. Instead I'm kept here when I should be elsewhere, where she is. And then I see his face, his ugly grotesque face.

He is laughing. Laughing into my direction and that's when I realize what happened.

When I see the blood on his hands, grinning mischievously, I realize that he stole her away from me once again. And right there I'm dying. Scratching my finger nails into the glass creating the sound of my heart.

**  
My Bonnie lies over the ocean,  
O bring back my Bonnie to me.**

Soft hands are touching my arms, pulling me into a soothingly embrace and before I'm opening my eyes I already smell her familiar scent and I'm scared to open my eyes to see that it wasn't just a dream, that it is reality. A reality that's haunting me for weeks now.

But as I feel a pair of soft lips on my cheeks and on my head. As I hear her voice, her mouth pouring out words to calm me I settle down and stop to cry. As I hear her voice I realize it isn't our reality anymore. It was just a dream… a nightmare… but I still cling onto her like my life depends on it. I wrap my arms around her, tightly, pressing her to my body as I'm hiding my head in her lap. I breathe her in, with a few long breathes. She's my air… my true air, and as I look up into her navy blue, and worried eyes, I feel save again. But the thoughts of her are not gone…

"It's okay Calliope… I'm here… I'm right here…" She whispers, kissing my head another time and I ask myself what happened. I used to have those dreams the night we spend apart with her working and with me, alone in our bed.

But I never had those sorts of dreams when she was around. I was never dreaming about what happened, or his face and what could happen again, with his face appearing so suddenly that I shriek. I tried so hard to convince myself that nothing like that is going to happen again, because he is locked behind safe walls.

But looking into her eyes sometimes, knowing that he's still capturing her in a way is still a real part of our life and my nightmares.

And suddenly with my face and my body still shaking slightly I leave the safe place of her lab to go to another place where satisfaction is already waiting for me.

I look up, right into her with compassionate filled eyes while I'm filled with a frantically desire.

I raise my hand to her chest, without explanting myself and what just happened minutes ago.

I touch her cheek, stroking it firmly, before I kiss her and I'm amazed.

I'm amazed how she's affecting me like she did when we first touched, electrifying butterflies haunting each other, flying around in my stomach which was filled with love and tenderness.

I love her more than anything and I love how her body is reacting to mine; how mine is to hers.

Whenever we touch; if it's filled with hunger, passion, animal and burning lust or is it sweet and tender and soft or endlessly desire rushing through our veins just like now; it's electrifying and magical.

But she looks at me confused, because she wants to know what was going on. She wants to talk, but I don't. Not now. This time I need her help to heal my wounds and fears. I don't want to talk with her lips against mine and her hands quickly finding their way under my shirt in one swift move.

And I pull myself up and onto her, because I can't think of something more beautiful than to feel her squirming and trembling body under me, aching to be touched, reacting to my touches and every sensation I have to offer.

Now, as I freed her from her clothes within seconds it's not about taking. It's rather giving, enjoying the feeling she has to offer me and I'm satisfied by the glances, her eyes, filled with lust and inhumanely desire.

My hands are roaming over her body painfully slowly as our lips are playing their favourite game; moving in a slow motion; in a perfect and steady rhythm. Like our bodies, they are moving, in such a soft breathe – taking and passionate way.

"Calliope…"

And as I leave her lips to kiss her collarbone with my already swollen lips and as I hear her soft but emphasis whispers; her whispering my name in most magnificent way, I realize that I can't loose her ever. It's not just about the amazing sex, about the feeling that is building up inside of me whenever she's touching me. It's the way she is, she makes me feel. The way she changed me. The way she loves me… in every single way.

But I also get hit by another realisation… I have the knowledge that after what happened to her, almost really happened, life is limited and that an ordinary day can turn into a nightmare. I know hat even an angel like her can be pulled away from death.

And even I tried to forget, oh god, even I tried to tell myself that it's over, I can't.

I'm scared to let her go. Every time she is leaving I'm scared. Every time she goes to work I'm scared. I can't keep her save and I'm so afraid to loose her when I let her go now, too.

I'm so scared that she will be gone when I stop touching her, that I'll open my eyes and see that he took her away from me; and so I cling onto her, grind into her with all my power. I press myself into her, listening to her sighs and moans, escaping her sweet and already quivering lips.

I'm addicted to her, painfully addicted, because as much as I love her, my love for her hurts right now, ripping my heart apart.

And as much that I want and need her now, as much as I want to give her release, I can't stop my tears from falling and I can't stop the heavy and painful sighs escaping my lips. It's the first time I break down in front of her. It's the first time I'm not the strong one, holding her through the night. I hate it to be so vulnerable and fragile in front of her, because I know how much she needs me, because I know how much the memories are tearing her apart.

But at the same time I also need her right now, not Mark, who's comforting me whenever I'm not able to hide the fear and the pain.

And even she said yes, even we are together and finally safe, even I love her more than anything, something is still haunting us… And this thing is his face.

She's pulling me into her embrace, stroking my skin firmly as she tries to calm me another time this night. And I crawl into her arms like a baby, weeping; taking in her scent like my life depends on it.

It's remarkable as she knows what's wrong with me without the need to tell her what I'm feeling, what made me break down.

I just say: "I would never forgive myself if I loose you…"

She replies with kissing the top of my head and I feel calming tears on my face, intermingling with mine.

But before I fall back asleep in her arms I hear her say:" You never lose me…"

**Bring back, bring back, O bring back my Bonnie to me, to me:  
Bring back, bring back, O bring back my Bonnie to me.**

It was the first time in a few weeks I woke up without being the first one. This time it was Arizona, who watched me sleeping and when I opened my eyes tiredly she was there smiling slightly. It wasn't one of her giant smiles she has to offer. It was a weak smile, but though it was full of hope that someday, soon, we could life without him.

We both said nothing, instead we looked at each other what felt like hours before our hands were meeting half way, touching, exploring, starting a sweet game. But we still don't say anything.

Then she's the first to say something, with an expression on her face I know so well the last few weeks.

"I have an operation today…" She says clearly, without her voice trembling, but I know her heart already is. She's hiding her head in my shoulder blade, searching for any support, for anything to take her anxious away.

And she's also begging me to come there, without asking.

And I will go there without replying, because I know how hard it is for her. I saw her glances; I saw the fear in her eyes. I saw her standing in this room not knowing how to come trough those feelings.

**O blow ye winds over the ocean,  
O blow ye winds over the sea.  
**

I remember the night so clearly like it has been yesterday and whenever I see her standing there with all the doctors around her, some of them are even 'strangers' to her, I think about the night I saw her there all alone.

It has been 1 week after she remembered everything when she told me that she wanted to work again, doing some rounds, seeing her patients again. Being a doctor like she was before. I tried to hold her back, convincing her that our apartment was the best place to stay now. I knew she needed to get back where she stopped… but at the same time I wanted and needed to keep her save with me. But I knew I knew it was my time to trust life and destiny and at most her, again. I realized that she wouldn't be her without working again. And to be honest it was the best thing she could have done to get back to her old self again and it felt good to have her old self back, to see her with the kids, to see her heeling around, waving, grinning, sneaking to me whenever she got time. But it was clear that she could always hide herself from one place where everything happened.

It has been 2 weeks after she remembered completely. It was a Thursday. A cold and dark Thursday, revealing my inner mood. And it was n the middle of the night when I woke up, lonely, in our bed. I was scared of what might have been happening when she wasn't replying to my desperate callings, but as I stumbled out of bed into the living room I've found a small note on the kitchen counter, telling me where she was going and that I shouldn't worry. But I did… I always do after what happened. So I took some clothes and sprinted across the street to the hospital. I ran through the corridors searching for the place where I would find her. And after 10 minutes searching I finally got there, looking through the glass panes and I opened the door, revealing me a fragile looking ash-blond girl.

I already heard the whimpers through the door, but I didn't really know what I would meet behind those walls, because she was standing there, her back to me.

She was standing there all alone, her gaze never leaving a special place on the ground and I was frozen in my tracks, not sure what to do. I wanted to say something, take her in my arms to keep her safe. I wanted to take her far away from this place. Far away were we wouldn't remember what happened in here. But instead I waited for her to say something, because I knew that she could feel my presence.

And I waited for minutes, until she finally said something.

"It's a simple operation. Clark has a fracture in his head… Fortunately something to repair and it's a simple procedure for me. I've done that thousand times. A thousand times… His parents, Mr and Mrs. Stonewell, are very supportive and they trust me in what I'm doing. They believe that I'm doing my best… They trust… they trust me but I… I don't trust them… I trust no one of them… And I feel so bad… I'm such a worse person…" It's the time to take a few steps forward, to bridge the divide between us, to take her into my arms and as I'm walking up to her she suddenly spins around, looking into my eyes. Her eyes a blue downfall.

"I do it immediately… I talk to someone and I see him… I never thought of him being like that… He was a father who was worrying for his daughter. He was like everyone else… Who can tell me that something like that never going to happen again? Who tells me that I can't misjudge a person? I… I got here, because I had to confess myself that I could stand here without being afraid, without having those crazy and scary feelings capturing my body… but they are still there… there are everywhere…"

And I take her into my arms, catching her trembling body from falling and I give her the support she needs while her kneels buckle. But I know there's nothing to say to her.

"But I still have to do this… I still have to do this…" I nodded slightly and said "I know… I know…"

**O blow ye winds over the ocean,  
And bring back my Bonnie to me.**

And now I see her standing there again. She stands there, nervous preparing herself, waiting for the little girl to go into a peaceful slumber, waiting for her fear to ease down. And I see her trembling slightly from the gallery. I wish I could go down to her and hold her so she calm down a little bit.

But I know that she knows that I'm there, never leaving her alone, and as she looks up, searching the whole gallery for my face, she smiles as soon as she reaches the place where I sit, watching every step she's doing. And she smiles bravely… I'm the only one who knows that this is a fake smile, hiding her true emotions. Maybe they would see it in her eyes if they look intentionally. Maybe they would by recognizing her nervous and anxious glances to the door.

I see all of that. I see all the glances, and the frighten glimmering in her eyes and I see the small weak smile she's sending me right before she's starting with the operation.

No one sees her last anxious scrutiny, but I do and I keep on carrying it with me. All the time.

**My Bonnie lies over the ocean,  
my Bonnie lies over the sea,  
**

2 Hours later she finally comes out of the OR with a big smile plastered on her face and before I can say something she kisses me full and willingly on the lips, taking my breathe – away and as I pull away because oxygen gets a real problem here she's pulling forwards to kiss me again. But I rest my forehead on hers, breathing heavily.

"Wow… that was…"

"I know…" She replies before she kisses me once more, but this time it's just a short and sweet kiss to show everyone that I am hers and she is mine. And as our hands are connecting while we are walking to the cafeteria to meet our friends it feels like tonight is going to be a good night again.

"Mark asked us to come with him Lexie and the others to Joes tonight. You wanna?"

"Of course… But afterwards I want some extra Calliope Time…" She replies, smiling seductive my way and god damn… she shouldn't be doing this here, because if we aren't here I'd pull her into a very sexy and lingering kiss before I'd drag her into the next on call room and give her a little bit Calliope time right now. But instead I continue walking; still holding her hand and I look at her.

She has the right to be happy again. She deserves it more than anyone else, not just because of the things she went through, but also because it's Arizona who had to go through this. Loving, Caring and Selfless Arizona. The girl I'm so in love with. The girl who always does everything for anyone else, even giving herself up if it helps someone.

So I'm looking forward to an evening with her and our friends, hoping that she's going to have fun too. Because that's all the matters. Her going to be her old self again and I'm doing everything to bring her finally back.

**My Bonnie lies over the ocean,  
O bring back my Bonnie to me.**

I was completely mesmerized by her loud laughter, filling the air softly. Her happiness were brought back and I enjoyed myself just by watching her the whole night. They talked about the work like always. A doctor never stops being a doctor. But this time we weren't haunted by bad memories and thoughts and patients we couldn't save. Instead we were telling each other stories about the people we could save.

And it was Arizona who talked and talked, her blue eyes finally glimmering again and when she wasn't talking, she listened intentionally and her hands always found a way to mine, caressing my hands with soft circles. And when she looks at me I know that we are going to do this kind of thing forever… and we are doing this together.

Mark tells us one of his jokes again and we are all bursting out in laughter, but all that's interesting me is her voice, her laughs surrounding me in the most beautiful way and I finally relax. No worries, no boundaries, no pressuring past, no -

A loud noise is filling the air and everyone is spinning around looking at Arizona who fumbles for her mobile phone, whispering a simple "I'm sorry" right before her voice is loud and clearly. Loud enough to listen to what she is saying and I can tell by the tone in her voice that it's not going to be a good night…

"Arizona Robbins… Yes it's really me... Who is -… What? What's wrong? What happened to her? I'm… I'm on my way…" My heart starts to get heavy as I'm listening to her and it's just aching a little bit more as she raises up to leave.

"I'm sorry… I have to go…" She mumbles, grabbing her jacket and I ran after her without saying a word to them. I already knew who it is, but I can't let her go like that. I even want to go with her.

"Ari… wait!" I scream while she is running to her car, not waiting for anything or anyone. I might be sad or dump, because she isn't waiting for ME. But I understand and know her. It must be something important… something bad. If not she wouldn't run like her life depends on it. And I feel like it really does.

"Ari… What's going on?" Finally I reached her and I stop her by holding her wrist. Even it might be very important I need to know.

"It's Bonnie… Her heart stopped… she… I need to get there and help…" She finally replies, already out of breathe.

"Wait… let me go with you…"

"No… it's okay… We… I see you later at your apartment…" She replies giving me a peck kiss and even I don't want to let her go there alone I simply nod and watch her driving away.

Silent tears are forming in the corner of my eyes and like the sky feels my pain the clouds are starting to cry too.

I wish she wouldn't have to go there. I wish she would be in arms, feeling happy and safe. I wish we could go back in there and I wish I could hear her laughter again. But I feel like there won't be again soon…

**Last night as I lay on my pillow,  
Last night as I lay on my bed,  
**

I lay in bed for almost 2 hours not doing anything. After she left I got back to tell them what was going on and that I was going to head home so I could be there whenever she came home, because I was sure that she would need me no matter what was happening. And so I sat in front of the TV – but I can't concentrate. And I try to read the book Ari was reading at the moment – Harry Potter, because she wanted to be able to talk about it with her patients and harry potter was always totally in there – but I couldn't concentrate at all.

Minutes passed and she wasn't coming home. Hours left by and I couldn't hold my worries back. I was almost taking my keys and my jacket, ran to my car and driving to the hospital were Arizona stayed right now. But at the same time I knew she would have to get through this alone and maybe… maybe everything was just fine and she stayed there too long, not thinking that I was waiting for her patiently. Maybe they played cars again and Arizona could tell me another story of what they did and talked about.

And suddenly, yet 3 hours that passed by, I heard the door opening, I heard footsteps and just a few seconds later I saw a broken woman right in front of me.

Her hair ashes blond and her eyes were lost, like a ship on the wild and wide ocean in the middle of a heavy storm. She looked at me and looked through me. She stood in front of the bed not saying anything, but I could smell the alcohol right from where she stood and that made me realize that she wouldn't talk about playing cards, talking or telling fairytales about a better future.

She simply stands there like a long lost beauty and I wish pain and sorrow wouldn't hunt her, but it still does, each day, each night.

**Last night as I lay on my pillow****,  
I dreamed that my Bonnie was dead.**

"Bonnie is dead… She… I couldn't do anything…"

Her voice is only a whisper and that's when I stop looking at her and instead leaving the place where I laid for hours. I walk up to her and help her out of her clothes. I let them fall to the ground and she doesn't care as much as I do. She just let everything happen to her and so I drag her numb body to the bed which stands just a few inches away.

I first lay her down before I follow. But all I can do is following her, taking her into my strong arms, holding her as close as possible while she is awake, not saying anything, not even crying. She doesn't do anything, but I wish she would. I wish she would talk to me, I would listen. I wish she would cry, I would capture them with my fingers and dry all of them.

But I know she will shatter. I know her… I know her so well… but we had so many good times and I remember them with a smile and now with a few tears leaving my eyes when I hold her so close I know that I'll be there… No matter what's happening. Never.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: **At the moment I've got a real hard time and my muse flew away just like a few other things. So I kept struggling and thinking, but now I think I'm back, even I need time to write on a few Chapters. Like I already said, unfortunately I can't keep the pace I once had, but I hope you are going to like it though. Enjoy the Chapter and Arizona's point of view. There will be a decision to make at the end of the Chapter and I hope you are going to decide wisely. ;-)

**Chapter 3**

Changing is a process just like learning.

And Changing never stops like you never learn out.

But why can things always be the same?

Once, when I was a little girl, a very nosy and young girl, I asked my parents why they felt in love with each other once and if their love ever happened to changed. They told me without hesitating that they still loved the same things about each other like they did in the beginning what got me really confused. How could you always love the same thing about someone when everything around was changing?

Well, I learned really quickly that the world and the people kept on changing and no matter what was happening inside you or around you, the world keeps spinning madly on.

Then a very remarkable man took me by side to talk to me while we were sitting on a small bench in our favourite spot, in front of a beautiful and silent lake. He told me that a part of me will always stay the same. Of course I will change because of the things that are going to happen to me, but I keep on being who I am right now. And he was right.

I kept on being perky, optimistic and bouncy.

I kept on believing, dreaming and hoping.

But there also came times where my shoulders felt down and I bent my back because of all the pressure lasting on it.

And then we sat there again, first in silence with tears leaving my eyes and his words never leaving my mind. He told me that there will be times I might believe I could never walk tall again. He told me that there will be days I'd fight to survive and nights I would struggle with tears, believing I wouldn't make it to the next day.

But another day would come for sure and the sun would arise again to shine for me, and after days, filled with rain and sorrow there would follow days full of joy, comfort and peace.

And again I believed him and it was a relief to see that he has been right.

Another day followed and I learned to survive in the desert. I always knew that a better time would come by soon. It always has been and it would always be like that. I was sure _that_ would never change.

But I lost my belief. I somehow lost it on my way, on my journey to where I am now.

I look up and I wait. I look up nervously, my eyes filled with terror like my whole body already is. I know I'm slightly shaking and I know I shouldn't be here, but I am. I feel too responsible and I know its right to be here, I know I'm needed.

I know a lot.

But I don't know how to lie to myself, how to pretend, how to believe again.

I look up frantically. My heart is pounding heavily in my chest.

I look up desperately. I sweet cold tears.

I look up tensed. My body is on fire; burning with the flame of sorrow and self-justifying; burning with the flame of fear and anxious.

I look up, afraid. And she isn't there. She's nowhere when I need her the most. She can't know; how should she? I never really told her. I never really said "I need you", expecting she already knew, hoping I wouldn't have to confess how I really felt. How lost I am.

And I look down, seeing something I hoped I would never see again.

All the memories are rushing back, capturing my body, leaving my thoughts, leaving me breathless right before crashing my soul, shattering it down to tiny pieces I think no one is able to pull back together. Not even her, because she's not here… She's not… She's…

I can't breathe. I can' breathe anymore as I see his face except of the one who is really standing in front of me. I see something I can't stand to see. Something that destroyed me and who I was.

And I still wait better times to come.

_3 days before…_

I didn't cry. I saw her and I didn't cry once.

I saw her when I felt into a nightmare filled slumber. I saw her in my darkest dreams. I saw her when I woke up, but I didn't cry. Not once. Not twice. Never.

I kept the feelings deep inside, buried all the self – hate and regrets somewhere in my mind and I locked all those hurtful feelings behind safe walls.

I decided to hide them when I woke up before she did after a night I struggled with nightmares, after a night I heard her voice through a dark and scary fog. She was there for me… again. And I am sick of myself, sick of hurting her, sick of crying, sick of everything that made me weak and vulnerable. I can't look her in the eyes and see compassion. I don't want her to look at me worried. Instead I want to see her laugh, because of me. I want to see her smile again and know that she's happy. I don't want to see his face and remember what he did to me… to us… to our life. I want to stay in bed the whole morning and watch her sleep each single morning. I want to see the sun cascading on her beautiful caramel skin. I want this smile, forming on my lips for a brief moment, to settle right where it arises and where it belongs. Forever.

But at the same time I still see her brown and children eyes, remembering how much I messed things up. Still, even I knew I couldn't have done anything, I believe I should have done something, anything. I am a doctor for god's sake… I should have been able to save her.

I remember the moment I ran through the corridors, already hearing those voices, screaming, trying to save her. I remember the pain I felt when I saw her tiny body jumping up and down. I remember how I thought about the times we spent, the false promises I've made and everything I said, everything I did seemed like a lie to me.

I remember the doctors looking me straight into the eyes with the message printed down in their glances. I remember the sound of my own voice, how I rushed to her bed side and pulled everyone out of my way. I remember the desperate and frantically pleadings while I tried to get her life back into her body, massaging her lifeless heart. I remember how I fell to the ground; the wall was the only thing that supported my weight. I remember anything, but what I not remember now is the belief that everything is going to get better as I'm stumbling into the bathroom, trying to catch my breathe and not trying to wake her up immediately.

And as I stand there, in front of the mirror, with my hands shaking, looking into the face of a fragile ghost alike woman, I know that I have to stop being so selfish. I have to stop hurting her like that… and even she would never confess it's a burden I put onto her shoulders, almost too much to weigh, I see it in her eyes, through the dark circles under her eyes and I know she stays awake almost each night while I'm fighting with a ghost from the past. She cares for me and now I should be the one caring for her just once.

It was the moment I promised myself to do his right and forget the pain that's almost capturing my already weak body. I would not cry, not while she was around, instead I'd smile and go on. Instead I'd be the strong woman I was before he took everything away from me. Everything I once was.

And I wiped my last tear away as I left the bathroom and crawled back into her arms.

"What are you doing?" She asked, between being annoyed and concerned. The air is filled with concern, with deep and honestly concern, but even she wants me to stay, even she just shows her true emotions I can't do the thing she wants me to do.

"What do you think I'm doing?" I reply simply, not to hurt her in any way. But I do it for me… for us… I just can't stay here and think about Bonnie and… I can't stay here when she needs me. When she needs the girl I once was.

"Ari..." She walks up to me, her voice low and considerate and as soon as I can think she has already my face in her hands, stroking my skin firmly and all I want to do is giving in her soothingly touch. All I want to do is revealing her my true and hidden feelings, but I made a promise. A promise I'm not going to break now.

"You should take a day off or two… The chief would understand after what happened last night…"

"No… I'm feeling fine… It's okay." I try to lie her in the face, but she's already frowning.

"You can't lie to me, Ari… She is dea…"

"Please… Please not…" I say, closing my eyes, pressing them together so it hurts; it's a try to prevent her face from appearing. It's a try to get back to normal, to become the one Callie felt in love again. I wish I could tell her the truth; tell her that I do it for us and not for rejection.

But instead I say:" Don't worry. Everything is alright, Calliope… I just need to work, ok? I just need to do the things I've always done… I just… Don't worry, okay? Just don't worry…" I tell her honestly, not telling her the full truth, but it's a part… at least it's a part she will be able to bear. And before she opens her mouth and words are leaving her mouth I kiss her soft and slowly. I kiss her to soothe her body and as soon as my hands found the way to her neck I feel her relax under my touch. I feel her calm down when my heart is still racing and aching at the same time.

Days passed in which I collected myself.

I smiled and laughed. I worked and slept in her arms.

But I slept with open eyes, I worked with an aching heart and I laughed and smiled with a fake expression plastered on my face and in my eyes.

I knew she saw it and she asked so many times.

When she told me and stroked my skin firmly to calm me down to be able to sleep; when she followed me into the bathroom in the middle of the night to look if I was alright when I wasn't; When she kissed me tenderly and looked me into the eyes I saw it clearly that she knew, but it was easier for both of us to vanish the thoughts of something bad and scary emerging our life's again.

But still she was there when I told her about the operation the next day. She was there to take a fight to reveal her worries. She was there to hold me when I needed to be held and her voice, what she said, never really left my mind.

"You can't do that Ari!" She stood in front of me now, left the place beside me to stand there, her hands on her waist, her eyes compassionated.

"I will." I simply say, not willed to take a fight on a decision I already made.

"Ari, please, it's too early and you know that! You just can't ignore the fact that it's too early! I saw your glances and I felt your heart racing whenever you stood in there! It's just 2 days ago, Ari."

Now her hands found the way to mine, squeezing them slightly, trying to make me turn back time and over think what I said yes too.

But I won't go back. It's a proof to show myself and the world that I'm a good man in the storm and I WILL survive this storm. I just have too.

And the little boy needs me; he needs me like Bonnie needed me. But with him I've got a real chance to save his life like I have to save mine.

And to convince her of the rightness of my action I pull her face into my hands, looking at her full of understanding and my pain is reflecting through her dark brown eyes. I don't need to say a word I just look at her loving and stroke her cheeks firmly. She's the one to say something to me. She's the one who finds the power to speak up.

"You will do it whatever I'm saying?" She says in a whisper, breathing out her love for me and it's magical how she's affecting me, how she cares, how she wants me to be happy. But I won't be anyway. It's not helping to stop who I was before.

And she's scared… she's scared that I'm never going to be the real Arizona Robbins again… and I'm too…

I nod slowly. "You know me too well I guess…" She's laughing bitterly and nods too.

"He needs me, Calliope… He is a little tiny boy who needs my help and you know I'm the best…"

"I know…" She simply replies before her lips find mine in a brief and soft way and then she says something I'm totally surprised… Something that reveals me that she always knows what's pressuring my body and shattering my soul.

"I will be there, you know… when you look up I'll be there…"

And as I look up now she's really there, staring into my eyes honestly and I simply nod with a smile and all I say is:" Take me to bed…" and there is her wicked grin I needed too see so desperately.

I look up.

I don't know why. But she isn't there. Maybe she got called into surgery? Maybe someone needed her? Maybe an incident? But I still need her.

I look up. I wait. I pant. I don't breathe.

They look at me. They wait. They hesitate. They breathe.

I still look up. I wait longer. I ache like my heart. I can't breathe anymore.

They catch my gaze for a brief moment as I spin around.

"Dr. Robbins? Is everything alright? Are you ready to start?"

I look away and I look up. I need fresh air. I need to breathe. I need to get out of here. Out of the room, which is getting smaller and smaller by each passing second. The walls are coming nearer and he is there.

He is there. Again. Every time. Still.

I see his big fat grin. Grinning like Cheshire cat. An evil grin. He's evil.

I look up and my desire is getting unbearable. My need. I can't breathe.

She isn't there. But they are. Not the one I need.

And he is there. The one who killed me. He will be there. Forever.

My heart doesn't seem to stop. It's racing. An inner battle.

I look up a last time, a last brief moment before I look to the glass door and see his face again. Then I hear voices. A lot of voices, intermingling. My name. My name a thousand times in different variations. But it's still my name.

My feet. My body. I collapse if I don't run. So I run. I run far away. I push the door aside. I push all of them away. And I ran.

But I still can't breathe. Tears are leaving my eyes for the first time. For the first time in 3 days and 4 nights.

And I end up in our on call room where I still can smell her scent slightly like a simple red rose.

Still I can't breathe. Can't breathe… can't.

Still everything is capturing my body and the old wounds are burning, becoming new ones. Open up again. Still. Hurt. Sorrow. Pain. I need her… Because I see him. I see his face. Hear his voice.

I don't want. I don't want to. I want to breathe. I need. I… need… to…

The door opens and I feel her presence, but I can't move when I need to spin around to see her. I need her to take away the memories. I need her to take away the burning clothes on my body. I need her to take them away. I need her to make me breathe again.

"Ari… I got paged… I…" She says until she reaches me and feel my body shudder under her touch. I gasp. I gasp heavily and as she's standing in front of me I see her worried glances.

"I… I… I can't… breathe…" not anymore…

"I… take them away… take… them… off…"

She doesn't hesitate; even she doesn't, even she can't understand what's going on she looks at me a last time before her fingers found the way under my shirt to drop it off and her hands find the way to the tie of my scrub pants.

And seconds ago I stand there in front of her, still freezing and shaking and only wearing my simple black underwear.

And she takes me into her arms; puts her strong arms around my neck and under my knees and I hide my face in the hole of her neck, smelling her familiar and soothingly scent.

And seconds later I find myself in the same position, in her arms, where I am able to breathe in and out for the first time again. Her arms are my salvation; her love's my harbourage where I want to stay forever while his face brings my perdition, inevitable.

But when I lay there almost naked in a bed; where we used to stay whenever we found the time to see each other, where we made love, quick and slow, where we cried and held each other, where we slept or just laid in each others arms, where we talked or spent hours in silence; all that matters is the fresh air that's filling my lungs finally again. All that matters are her strong and caring arms around my torso, capturing my whole body. All that matters are her words, her scent which are filling my mind. But he is still there. He still is…

**Authors Note 2:**

And because I loved the decision all of you made the last time here's another decision for you to make.

I have two ways in my mind, of course one I really do prefer, but you need to tell me what you want.

I have a way to end this in a "fast" way.

And I have a way to let this last longer. But this way will be as hard as the last. But I promise you'll get what you want… It's just sad and heart – breaking… I had this idea a long time now but I wasn't sure if you'd be able, willed and ready to take this journey with me. So I'll do whatever you want me to do. I'd be appreciate both ways.

Do you want Hurt/Comfort/Thriller – Time followed with Love/Recovering/Hope/Belief and so on

Or do you want just Happy/Fluffy/Recovering time…

You want your happy end now and pretty soon.

Or do you want me to develop this and be loyal to my old fan fiction.

Tell me what you want and I'll let it happen.

Thank you very much for waiting!!!

-Sun


	4. I can't take it

**Authors Note: **It really feels like I'm back after a long time not writing anything. It feels lie I'm ready to take steps forward with all of you in this story. I thank you so much for reviewing and telling me you want to do this with me like we get through "I'll follow you into the dark" together. I'm really grateful to have you and your comments to let me know what I'm doing right or wrong with this.I'm trying my best to not let you wait that long again, but unfortunately I can' promise. Thank you so much again and try to enjoy the next Chapter. The song is "I can't take it" by Tegan and Sara. Really worth listening to it!

Love to all of you,

Sun

**Chapter 4**** – I can't take it**

**So move, yeah move so move, yeah move  
**

When I look up into the sky I see clouds flying by, cascading silently, taking a journey, gracing the sky, right before there are moving on again.

When I was a little girl I spent hours with my brother lying somewhere on a green field where no one could see or find us. We laid there in silence, only watching the clouds quietly and slowly walking by. Sometimes we spoke out euphorically what exactly we saw and oh, we saw beautiful things.

They were Animals, prince and princess, flowers, faces, laughing faces.

We saw a beautiful new place, a large sky castle where we spent most of the time when we were children. Sometimes I asked myself if there were other people who were also watching the clouds pass by.

My brother told me "Of course! Everyone is seeing them! And you know what's great? When we see the clouds we exactly know someone else in the world is and were seeing them too! That means we are connected with anyone!"

I lay back again, smiling, knowing I'm not alone, even when I'm watching the clouds.

It was one of my favourite things to do. It was peaceful, calming my soul.

And even after I left home and even after I came here I still did it sometimes. Whenever I found the time to, I searched for a quiet place to lie down and simple let the time pass by. It's something to calm me down and let me find new energy and gives me time to think, to think clear, finally again.

But this time it's not my sanctuary. It's not a place to hide when I don't know where to go. The raising sun isn't bothering me in a beautiful way anymore.

It's a masking beauty, just like dark clouds passing by, not quietly and calming anymore.

Because when I look up I don't see the bright castle anymore.

Instead I see my cage.

A cage he built up, for me, just for me. And when I look up, into the dark clouds, just a few teardrops are connecting with my skin; I exactly know that he is with me now. I have a connection with him, a connection I never asked for. And the thought of him, looking at the same clouds, watching the same sky as I do makes me cry even harder.

But no one is able to see my tears and my fears when the sky is crying with me, crying for a broken soul who can't find its way back into its old life. And so it's lost in a place where it will slowly but surely perish. Where it will quickly disappear.

**I've got nowhere to go;** **I've got nowhere to go**

* * *

_(few hours before, settled right after Chapter 3)_

When I wake up, a soft light interrupting my still weak sleep, I realize that I'm at home, the place I call my home: her arms. My night has been like each other night, full of disturbing nightmares. But it also has been full of declaration of love, of words and actions that mend everything to me.

It was when I realized that I want to get through this to be finally able to be with her, completely, because all she did for me was being there, letting me know that she always will. I realized what she did for me, when I opened my eyes, looking into her eyes immediately, but not feeling cold anymore, and when I looked around I saw our bedroom glimmering in a soft light. Laying there silently in front of me.

"Why am I here? I thought we were…" I spoke out in a whisper and I'll never forget the sad smile playing around her lips. It's when I asked myself how long I haven't seen her truly and happily smile into my direction.

It's me who is causing her smile to hide. It's me who is causing her pain and making her trouble with sleeping. I know she isn't really sleeping anymore, because I feel her shifting beside me when I try to sleep. I feel her eyes on my body when I drift of to sleep. I see her eyes, watching me whenever I wake up.

She shakes her head softly, before giving an explanation to me.

"I brought you here after you drifted of to sleep. It was the first time I had the feeling you were asleep. I didn't want to disturb you anyhow, because it feels good to know you're asleep, without having those nightmares. It feels good to watch you, secure. I wanted to keep this feeling and I didn't want you to wake up in a dirty on call room. I want you to wake up in this bed with me… forever…"

**So move, don't move so slow, don't move so slow  
**

Tears were running down my cheeks while I stroked her face softly with my fingertips.

Tears were escaping my eyes while I was kissing her firmly, feeling all the love in a simple and tender kiss. A kiss where you lose yourself easily.

And when we pull apart I'm just crying more and more, but this time it's not really about him.

It's about her, about her and me, just about us. About the realisation who I'm going to marry, who it's worth fighting for. It's a simple thought, but a hurtful though.

"I love you…" I said before she kissed me once more and I pulled myself on top of her. I didn't just want to hear her love; I needed to feel it too. I needed to be as close as possible when I felt a raising hope rushing through every vein of my weak body.

"I love you, too…" Was all she said, before we both left our slow motion and found a fast and tender rhythm, in which we moved and moulded, melted, perfectly together.

* * *

_(few hours afterwards)_

**I've got nowhere to go, I've got nowhere to go**

I don't really know how I've got here.

I don't really know how I freed myself from her arms to come out here, but all I knew was that I needed time to free my head and come to a solution.

I did it to find a way to go back to her, feeling free again, being able to be the woman she loved again. I did it for me, but mostly for her, because she deserves it. She deserves everything I can't give her at the moment and all I really want and need is being myself, knowing who I am, again. I want to look up into the sky, without seeing his face. I want to think about anything else.

But I can't. I feel weak. I feel weaker than I ever did before and it hurts to know that someone else was able to take away my life from me.

All I want to is smiling into her direction, seeing the wickedly smile I used to know, gracing her beautiful features, without being scared of how and what I'm going through. I finally want to be able to look into the future with her, without being scared of something like that happening again.

And so I lay there, for hours, seeing the clouds fading by, the sky darken and the sun settling down, while I'm waiting for an angel to come. And maybe. I just maybe wait for her to be the angle that is able to take away my sorrow and fears completely. I wait for her to make me see the sunlight again, believing in it's true beauty and not thinking it's masking something dreadfully, waiting to come out and haunt me again.

I wait for hours to hear those steps I immediately recognize. I was waiting to feel her presences finally again, but I knew it was just a matter of time until she would be here.

I knew she would come no matter what was going on around us. She would always be at my side.

"I'm sorry I'm so late." She says, while she's lying down beside me, sounding like I really asked her to come and it makes me smile.

I never ask, but I always hope, I always trust.

"You are perfect." I reply and then we lay in silence for almost ten minutes.

Not speaking, only touching, knowing we are not alone. And it helps so much that I know she' here, taking this journey with me, never leaving my side, no matter what is going to happen.

**I can't take ****it; I can whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa**

But even I know it, even she's there with me, holding my hands in hers and kissing the palm of my hand I just can't take it anymore. I can't take the thoughts of him. I can't take seeing his face. I can't take that he is destroying my life from far away.

I can't take my weakness. And so she isn't able to take it anymore, too.

All we want and all we deserve is to be finally happy after all we got through together.

"You should see someone." She finally says, gulping, and I see the silent tears streaming down her face, without looking at her. I see them; I feel them, like I feel my own.

I know she wants to be the one who is able to help me and free me from my pain like I want her to be this someone. But I also know that it's for both of us too much to take anymore. I also know that it's the right thing to do for me and so I nod and silently whisper.

"I know."

That's when she burry's her head in the croak of me neck.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Arizona." She cries, hums my name, her soft voice intermingling with the quiet sound of the winds blow.

"Don't be, Calliope…" I look around; turn my head and my body, so we are laying there in front of each other, only with our hands and knees connected. "You are the only thing in life that's worth fighting. You are the only thing that gives me enough strength to get through this. You are the only one I life for."

And then we kiss, in the middle of sunset.

I'll be a good man again and I'll get through the storm.

* * *

_(Anywhere else)_

It has been a dark night, like every night since…

He didn't want to think about, but it was all he could ever think about.

Darkness surrounded him, loneliness made him angry and sorrow almost killed him, already killed his soul and the man he once was when they were… still with him.

But then everything changed and he was at a place where a man automatically changed and all the love was exchanged with hostility, madness and the thirst for revenge. He counted the days and lay in his bed; almost still, watching the two pictures he put on the wall right beside his head. He watched their faces when he woke up and when he drifted of to sleep.

At one he looked at, filled with love and melancholy and at the other one with blank hate.

And again he lay there, thinking about how he could finally found peace through the act of vengeance, and only a sound interrupted his thoughts.

"Ahab!!! Good news. You'll get some company!" A loud voice said, calling him by his nickname.

He didn't even know why they called him like that, but when he thought about it they name fits him just perfectly.

Ahab, a man who haunted a whale that ruptured his leg.

And he was a man who would haunt a woman who ruptured his heart weeks ago.

Ahab slightly nodded, without looking up, not interested in anything that happened around him. Too lost he was in his own created world where he was a saint and she was a symbol for death and false beliefs that he had to erase from this planet. In his own created world he was sent by god to turn back time and did what could have saved the life of his little girl. What could have, but didn't.

He doesn't even look up, until he heard a strong voice beside his bed.

"Who is this?" It asked freely.

"Your daughter and your wife? She's sexy…"

He watched the black man standing in front of him, after he stood up, looking quiet amused.

"No. It's the woman who brought me here. The woman who killed my daughter." Ahab simply answered before he went to the window.

"Ouch. Not so sexy anymore…" he laughed, while Ahab stood there, watching the clouds passing by.

"It's the woman who will pay… who will pay…"

He whispered more to himself than to anyone else, but it was still heard; heard by the clouds which transported this message through the bloody looking sky.

Ahab watched the clouds pass by when he remembered the game he used to play with his daughter.

"_What are you seeing, Daddy?__ What are you seeing?" _

He heard the soft, but still excited voice of his daughter, repeating in his ear as he slowly answered.

"Her face."


	5. Authors Alert

Hello my lovely readers,

Unfortunately I have to tell you all that this is not going to be the next Chapter of this story.

I'm rather here to tell you, that after I got into a big crisis and a beloved friend of me died, I decided that now is not the right time for me to write anything.

So I decided to take a break and let you know that I didn't forget any of my stories or that you are waiting. Though I hope you'll understand and you'll be still there when I have found my strength to continue with this part of my life, writing, and with my life at all.

Thanks for the great reviews you always gave to me. And thanks for understanding.

All the best on your way and hopefully until soon

-Sun


End file.
